Entry lepas Raya Haji...

Salam,

Selamat Hari Raya Haji dan maaf zahir dan batin pada semua...dua kali khutbah ialah untuk sembahyang sunat aidil adha dan sembahyang jumaat....

....2012 sudah melangkah ke penghujungnya dan walaupun masih ada about 90 or more days to go , it is a very quiet year after all the hype about 2012 being a year that something big is going to happen....ini membuktikan kita jangan terlalu membuat andaian kerana at the end of the day percaturan Allah swt sahaja yang matters..

.....alhamdullilah, aku rasa dapat berehat masa cuti raya haji lepas dan ada rasa sikit energetic hari ini...mmg rasa penat giler for the last 3 or 4 monthsdan baru dapat recover sikit aku yang punyer penat....akumpun sempat tengok cerita 29 February , cerita yang combine Forest Gump dengab Benjamin button untuk menghasilkan cerita yang agak menarik....walaupun tiada originality dalam olahan cerita tetapi penyampainnya adalah amat menarik sekali....

....malam tadi tengok bola dan rasa macam tengok bola zaman muda remaja dulu with games penuh dengan passion and commitment....the merseyside local darby was indeed a passionate one as indeed the MU vs Chelsea game....not much of tactical but sheer passion and physical presence...

...about 2 weeks ago aku ubah penampilan ala ala makeover tuh and until today i still friends could not even recognize me though standing side by side in the lift....kehkehkeh....kelakar giler tuh....perubahan ini adalah simbolik yang aku ingin lebih santai dan bersahaja dalam menghadapi liku liku hidup ini...sebagai simbolik menyatakan minda aku tidak terpenjara dan sebagai satu statement that aku tidak mengikut arus....

...samada perubahan ini akan kekal lama atapun sekadar sementara, still aku tak boleh decide tapi aku rasa senang dengan image baru aku ini.....

...aku tak mampu menjadi normal or beralah kepada norms tetapi kehidupan aku dikelilingi adat dan tatacara.....aku harus menjadi aku yang berlain dari kebiasaan samada dengan sudut jasmani mahupun pemikiran.....bila individuality ini hilang atau terpaksa dihilangkan, maka aku hanya menjadi separuh dari diri aku sebenarnya...tetapi kehidupan memang sebenarnya about adaptability dan kegagalan aku adapt pada perubahan yang datang dalam 'stages of life' menyebabkan aku menjadi terasing..

....wokeh, i am expecting a rather subdued week this week and perhaps this week i would do more of planning for next year....

..again Selamat Hari Raya kengkawan dan maaf zahir dan batin..

Wassalam

Dah lama tak hapdet....

It has been awhile and many things happened over the last couple of months. I was hardly in the office since I had to conduct so many workshop/training sessions outside and today is basically the 1st time in over 40 days that I come to the office to work. Strange feeling to come to the office in the morning and life is back to normal I guess…

…the day after my sister died , my brother pulak was diagnosed to have cancer and started his treatment last week …..the best story though was my arwah sister excluded me from her Will except for some unwarranted estate……yang best yer , it was clearly stated that her bounty –like- cash- balance will not be given to me even a single cent !! ……hehehe….she forgot that I have never been motivated by money and probably thinking that punishing with money will rattle me ?!! owh please…..dalam hidup she humiliated me and even dalam mati pun she still wanting to hina me …..nasib baik wasiat dibuka among keluarga sahaja walaupun earlier it was suggested that a few close relatives to be present as witness….kalau tidak kire malu besar wa dibuat yer……sure heboh giler kalau tidak beb….ekceli kan , I was in the position to be naughty and contested the Will or insisted for Faraid distribution but I was not interested at all……I just want to continue with  my life and enjoy whatever left in me before my time comes………

…..I have had no weekends for the last 2 months and the fatigue and stressed really getting to me when everything ended ..alhamdulillah, whatever I did for the last 3 or 4 monhs berbaloi baloi when I passed the so called ‘test’ with flying colours…Alhamdulillah…I want to take a break now , meaning just to be doing my work , before I start to look into other projects….teruk kerja semenjak masuk corpoaret office dari operation neh….kalau wa kaya lah dah lama wa benti dah…hehehehe…

…setelah berbulan bulan tak tengok TV dengan kusyuk yer sebab asyik masuk hotel , keluar hotel aja…..weekend lepas aku dapat tegok citer “untuk 3 Hari ‘…..fuhh, I thought that movie was fantastic….really love it so much….i like the presentation of ideas, the storyline and the dialogue….i like the acting of adlin , vanida….give me afdlin and Vanida to me anytime…..love their on screen chemistry…I want to watch this movie again..and perhaps again and again…ahaks ahaks ahaks….love it…kudos to afdlin shauki…..

..i wanted to watch the 28 February pulak because I am a big fan of Remy Ishak…I think this guy is an amazing talent….really act from the heart….

….bola pun banyak missed giler…..asyik tengok highlights aja lah lately neh tapi very impressed dengan Chelsea on the bit that I saw…..i was watching the Malaysia Cup final but stopped watching after the 1st goal scored by Kelantan…..i don’t like what I saw and thought that the goal was too soft to be true for a Cup final….but then again I could be wrong….

….Ok lah, I hope I can be actively writing/updating my blog lepas nei…I missed ngintu so much..i really do…

Wokeh….GTG

Wassalam…

Semoga rohnya dicucri rahmat

Salam,

...my sister eventually succumbed to her cancer ailment and passed away last sunday and burial was done the next day....

..sadly though my relationship with her deteriorated and we parted ways not in good terms...my last moment with her a week before her depature was a heated one ended in some unwarranted exchanges.....al- fatihah untuk arwah.....i don't hold grudge against her but even when she was nazak and people calling me to come to see her i refused to do so ....no regrets though, i have to do what i believe is right at that moment of time...hopefully she forgive me as i have forgiven her....

.....my only regrets that my mother must be very sad to see her children could not reconcile even when death is inevitable....

..perhaps, i the eyes of many, i was being unreasonable but i believe i have done my best to defuse the situation ....i have no regrets and i went for her funeral....

...i have to accept the fact i am no longer respected among the family and relatives for what had happened but i am willing to take the flak no matter what...i will have to live by my action and trust that i did the right thing, though not the best of action to many....

..sedih...because my dad died not really liking me and now my sister died hating me....this is the prize of trying to be different than the norms......i just hope that my mother will continue loving me because she is the only person that i will not want to lose her love ....the day my mother begins to ignore me will be the day that i will die as a person because i cant live without the care and love of my mom...she is eveRything to me....others can do anything to hurt me but will never succeed because only my mother matters to me....

....thanks bokd, embun , seri and the rest for your kind words and condolences and sorry too for not updating for quite awhike sebab too many thigs happening requiring my requirement....insyaallah, by end october, my life would return to normal , insyaallah

Wassalam